Before I was married, I dated because:

• I wanted to make new friends.
• I was afraid to be alone.
• I thought I would be a good influence on his relationship with Jesus.
• I had a crush for years and he finally noticed me.
• He was fun to be around.
• I needed a date for a dance, prom or an event.
• I thought it was God’s will.

The word fellowship has the ability to foster hope and affection or fear and rejection.  We were made to crave true fellowship (friendship), but often we hold others at arms length wondering if we will be accepted for who we are.  Will our risk be met with promise or lead us into a world of betrayal and hurt?  Do faithful friends exist; and if they do, do we deserve one?

The principles of scripture are designed bring life to our hurting hearts, but sometimes it takes years for our emotions to absorb the truths our souls recognize.

Here is one truth that has taken me years to feel:

God forgave me to set me free, not to make me feel ashamed and guilty.

Sometimes when you want to follow God, your heart may not keep beat with your actions. You plunge along the road of holy living because you know what you are doing is right.  Your actions line up with God’s word and instructions, but you’re left feeling a little empty, lost and lonely.  This is when you start questioning everything:

My husband and I just came in from a walking through the trails of our pine tree farm.  It’s winter, so the wind has blown the dead leaves off the trees and the weeds have wilted and fallen to the ground.  Winter’s cruel affect on the forest caused me to see things I didn’t notice months ago.

I observed squirrels scurrying, a creek flowing through the trees, and our lonely house normally hidden by foliage up on a faraway hill.  Without all the weeds, leaves and vines, I was able to see more clearly.  But things had to die to give me this perspective.

Have you ever been on a fourteen hour plane flight?  Last week I led a mission trip for Clayton King Ministries and Crossroads for 25 ladies.  We traveled for a total of 17 plane hours with a few hundred other people all feeling claustrophobic and jet lagged. Everyone was trying to trick their bodies into believing the upright, unyielding airplane seats were designed for optimal rest.