I'm sitting in the audience listening to my husband preach while also praying we all can receive God's word to us individually. In the middle of my prayer I heard the Lord ask, "Why would anyone stay outside the gate when I offer my protection for those inside?" Each of us started outside that gate. I wonder what kept us outside for so long.

The reason many of us stay outside is because we don't think Jesus is a good shepherd. Perhaps we think he was a good man, teacher or had some good ideas, but we don't really believe he has any relevance to our lives. Will he really lay down his life when we are in danger?

Parenting. The word itself carries so many emotions: joy, fear, hope, doubt and pride. When my first son was born I was honored and terrified at the same time. How could God trust me to keep this child alive, much less guide him spiritually? What if I don't have what it takes to be the parent he needs? What if I give him the wrong advice or steer him in the wrong direction? What if I'm not loving, wise, caring, strict or compassionate enough? What if I'm not up for the calling?

Realistically, though, there was no going back. I had to move forward. So I did.

I'm standing in the kitchen with Joseph when I hear a deep voice in the hallway. We've been in the process of building our house and trying to get the punch list knocked, so I expect my youngest son to reply that a contractor is here fixing his bathtub. Instead, a silly grin emerges on his face, and looking at me out of the corner of his eye, he says, "Mama, that's Jacob."

"It's getting harder and harder for me to give," I confessed to myself. Clayton and I sat across the table from a couple who needed a listening ear. We listened while they talked. We comforted them through their struggles and tears. I was obeying my calling to ministry, but my inner soul wished I could be the one talking and crying.

It was in this moment I realized how dry and empty my own soul felt. I'd just become a mother, and it was proving harder than I thought. Because I didn't love my new calling, I was carrying far too much shame and guilt. I was desperate for help myself. Still, I sat listening and praying to the only One who could help these people because I felt completely incapable.

It's the year of my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Our entire family is getting together to celebrate their marriage and commitment to one another, but I am working at a summer camp in Georgia. I asked off, but they wouldn't give it to me and I gave in. 

I spend my day hanging out with a bunch of kids who I'd never see again and missed one of the proudest moments in my grandparents' lives. This has become one of my biggest regrets.

As far as my kids are concerned, the manageable life has come to me. But, ironically I find myself wishing for their younger days. The days they wanted to cuddle and called my name because they needed me. I NEVER thought I'd miss being needed, but I am. These guys are becoming their own people; courageous, caring, adventurous and smart young men. They need me, but in a different way. I feel like I've shifted from all-knowing mom to maybe Coach Mom.

But, what is a testimony? Is it not the story of how we are broken and unworthy? Is it not the story of Jesus loving the unlovely. Isn’t my testimony a story of how Jesus showed a helpless, hopeless girl that he’d planned on redeeming and restoring her since before she was born? Isn’t my testimony a story of Jesus glorifying himself in spite of my inconsistent good intentions? 

Have you ever felt like your testimony was ruined? Have you ever felt ashamed that you didn’t perform better? 

Years ago, I wanted to take my boys to India. I wanted them to know somewhere other than America, to have a passion for other worlds and other people. I wanted them to experience God's creativity and passion for His complete world, not just our own. 

But the door to India closed. Then we tried Haiti, but it wasn't meant to be either. After two failed attempts, I wondered, " When will it be time? Did I not pursue these opportunities hard enough? Did I miss IT?"

I’m learning how to be the parent of a teenager. Jacob is an amazing young man, but it’s still my job (and Clayton’s) to watch over and protect him. As he becomes his own man, it’s hard not to worry and to wonder what struggles he will encounter. I ask him questions like, “How do you decide what songs you listen to and whether a song is good or bad?”  Then I have to trust that he’s making wise decisions because I am his mom, not the Holy Spirit.  I wonder what thoughts will roam through his mind and I want to help him guard the sacred places in his heart- his thoughts and visions. I want to protect him, but I know I have to teach him how to do this for himself. So I have to teach him to how to listen to God’s voice.

My family is getting ready to lead a mission trip to Guatemala. The packing and excitement makes me remember my first trip to India. 

I am 24 and beyond thrilled to arrive at the orphanage and get to it. I will be hanging out with kids, doing a Bible school, cleaning the entire building, teaching them about hygiene and relieving them of scabies. I can’t wait to DO for God, to prove my love and my devotion to him.

My first ministry trip out of the US was to Mexico City when I was 13 years old. I already felt like I'd serve Jesus full time when I was older. I wondered if he would call me to missions as a single woman, but instead, when Clayton and I met, we served in India 5 months into dating. We shared a passion for taking the gospel to anyone, anywhere. CKm has carried this vision, this passion, and now as parents we are excited that our boys will be coming with us on their first trip abroad to Guatemala.

This week’s blog is about taking back our wonder from the UnMagic Kingdom. What is an UnMagic Kingdom? It's a place where we cease to believe God hears us, cares about us, answers our prayers or does miracles anymore. Why do we stop? Because it’s just to darn hard to figure our why He doesn’t do the things we ask if He really does hear us.

I craved the "greener grass" of sin. I wanted their smiles, their popularity, their money, their houses, their cars, their ability to live in sin unhindered. And, dear reader, I didn’t always make the right choices. I have a few regrets, but for the most part, I resisted the "greener grass”. People snickered, slandered and scoffed at my innocence and naivety.

She’s lost in her misery when the word "salvation" trickles from his lips. This Jew, this man who seems to be a prophet, is claiming to be the Messiah. Has he come to rescue her; to make her an insider? Could this be true? She runs to tell “her” people, the ones who made her an outsider. She thinks, "If they believe him, I’ll no longer be an outsider. Maybe he can make me an insider again.”

God doesn’t want you to LACK ANYTHING. Sometimes that means He will teach you to have more faith in what you ask for, and other times, it will mean He says no. Whateverland is the place where we keep our faith in whatever outcome He chooses; whether it be supernatural miracle or self-displined refinement. Both avenues remove the pessimism of Neverland and lead us by faith into Whateverland.

I share your feeling. I share your longing for things to become different. I also want to escape the anguish in my heart, to find a place of peace and comfort. And while I know that one day redemption will come, I don’t want to sit around letting the the enemy steal any wonder the Lord is willing to give me today. It's easy to start thinking there’s nothing left for us here and hope in the world to come. But when Jesus was here he continued to hope. In fact, he prayed, “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 16:10)

We all have limits; we all need rest- even prophets who do miracles. God helped his servant rest when it was time. Is it time for you to reign in your schedule for the health of your body, mind, soul and family? 

Have you ever regretted something you said? We all suffer from wasting our words on unedifying conversations. I know what it’s like to just want to get it out. If you could just tell someone, you’d feel better, right? But do you ever feel like “venting” worked you up more than it helped? Have you ever poured it all out only to become more anxious, wondering if that person was going to tell the next person, and the next, and the next....and paranoia sets in?

Maybe your loved one's emotions are confusing to you. Clayton and I have learned in our marriage that our spouse's feelings are not valid because we understand them, but because they feel them. So, even if their feelings don't make sense to you, they make sense to them. According to Ephesians 5:25-28, husbands have a responsibility before God to treasure and minister to their wives' soul; to become a place where our she feels safe and nurtured

We want you to beat the odds. We want you to pay attention and choose the right direction. if we should meet you one day, we want to be able to celebrate with you..that you have a good marriage that honors God and shows the world a picture of His love for humanity. We don't want you to miss out on something this awesome..